Stepmonster

Minisode | In-Laws Still Close to BM, Chauffeur Duties for Kids

Our mini-episodes are entirely dedicated to sharing YOUR story. Each episode features one submission from our followers where we read the situation and give our take. Here is this week's submission:
So my main complaint for years now has been the fact that his family was so happy that I came into their son's life. They saw a light they had never seen in him. They were always unhappy with how hubby and bio mom treated each other and left early on several occasions. I felt like I was a breath of fresh air for them. Hubby’s sister moved here and is living with his parents. She came down and all of sudden she and bio mom are best friends. It drives me insane and it’s felt like a total lack of disrespect for my feelings. His family comments on all her Facebook posts, goes to her birthday parties and then comes to ours too, and the list goes on and on. I’m slowly learning there’s nothing I can do to control this issue but nevertheless hurts my feelings.
Then this week bio mom and me got into it. 15 year started high school. We are 50/50. We pay her child support. She is remarried. She has twin boys. She doesn’t work. We agreed she wanted 15 yo to go to a specific high school so we changed paperwork for us to be primary household. This means only 1 parent gets the bus. She knew it would be us and that there was no way he could go to the other high school across town because me and hubby work full time and it would be impossible. She texted me the other day complaining about how much she is in the car with her twins and how it’s not fair and how her husband said she should have never agreed for 15-year-old to go to the high school we agreed to and I lost it. I told her she doesn’t work and gets child support and to basically get over it. I help with the driving to sleepovers, doctor appts, orthodontics appts and I work full time an hour away. I have no sympathy. She told me she couldn’t believe I had the audacity to bring up HER child support and that things between us will never be the same. She reached out and things have seemed semi-normal. Very minimal about the kids.. which I am ok with. Just wondering any tips and tricks to navigate through these teenage years, split schedules living across town, driving kids to school or not? Should I apologize? What to do?

Finances, Clothes Debates, Expense-Sharing, & Stepmom Obligations

This episode is all about financial considerations in a stepmom role. We discuss everything from a stepmom's obligation to contribute financially (or not), sharing expenses such as clothing and extra-curricular activities, and even wills and estate planning with stepkids involved. Here's a full breakdown:
0:00 - 4:55 - Catch up, wine adventures, odd noises @ our airbnb4:55 - 6:00 - Intro to Stepmom financial planning complexities6:00 - 11:15 - Finance convos to have early in your relationship & accepting child and spousal support amounts11:15 - 16:30 - general financial obligations of a stepmom16:50 - 23:00 - School clothes & supplies financials23:00 - 26:00 - Items disappearing at the other households26:00 - 28:00 - Expenses for kids over 1828:00 - 30:30 - Beneficiaries & Stepmom obligations if losing a spouse30:30 - 35:45 - Powers of Attorney & Next of Kin, Medical Events35:45 - The end - Instagram Q&A on Financials for Stepmoms (Earning more than your partner, Changes in Custody & Financial Obligations, Large Expenses, Room Decorations)

Minisode | Manipulative BM, No Court Order, Bed-Wetting, & Behavior Concerns

Our mini-episodes are entirely dedicated to sharing YOUR story. Each episode features one submission from our followers where we read the situation and give our take. In this episode, we unpack a complicated situation where there is no court order in place and a biomom who seems to want to make changes on the fly that are convenient for her. This situation is causing things like bed-wetting, behavior challenges, and schoolwork declines in the 8-year-old stepson.
Also, a little humble brag, we were recently featured on a "Top 15 Stepmom Podcasts" list, and we are so grateful! Check out the full list of other amazing resources as well here: https://blog.feedspot.com/step_mom_podcasts/

Parental Alienation & Always Feeling Defensive

Parental Alienation is defined as "something which primarily occurs during a high-conflict divorce in which the child identifies strongly with one parent, usually the custodial parent. The other parent is hated and rejected without any justifiable reason, such as abuse." (Source: WebMD). If you have ever found yourself asking any of these questions... this episode is for you; why does my stepkid dislike me so much? what is their parent actually saying about me that's untrue? or why does it seem like my stepkid is incapable of forming their own opinion?
We dig into the depths of what parental alienation actually is and then highlight many reasons why scenarios like this might cause a stepmom to feel as though she is constantly on the defense.
Source Material and Recommended Links:
https://www.socialworktoday.com/archive/102708p26.shtml
https://blendedfamilyfrappe.com/parental-alienation-resources-stepparents
Book Recommendation: The Subtle Art of not Giving a F*ck
Book Recommendation: Adult Children of Parental Alienation Syndrome: Breaking the Ties That Bind

Growing up w/ ADHD & Autism Spectrum Disorder: Inside the mind with guest, Austin

In this episode, we have a special guest! Bailey's 25-year-old brother Austin joins us. Austin was diagnosed with ADHD at age 7, and Asperger's Syndrome (now formally called Autism Spectrum Disorder) at age 14. He gives us all a glimpse into his childhood journey and discusses the challenges he had in school, making friends, and even now as an adult. We also talk about Bailey's stepson, who was diagnosed with ADHD and the role stepmoms could or should play in some of these larger medical decisions and management.
We also discuss:
IEPs
504
Different types of behavioral challenges
 
For more information on Autism Spectrum Disorder: https://www.nationwidechildrens.org/conditions/aspergers-syndrome
For more information on ADHD/ADD: https://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/adhd/index.html
For more information on getting an IEP for your child, we like: https://www.sheknows.com/parenting/articles/955753/how-to-get-an-iep-for-your-child-special-ed/, and https://www.verywellfamily.com/how-to-get-an-iep-for-your-child-3106880.

Back to School, Stepmom Involvement, Events, & Disengaging

We're discussing all things school-related for stepmoms in this episode. Here's a full list of topics covered:
Back to School
Stepmom Involvement
Stepmom School Rights
Registration
Parent-Teacher Conferences
Homework Management
School Events
Graduations
Disengaging

Being the Uncool House & Parallel vs. Co vs. Counter Parenting

In this episode, we talk a lot about being the strict house or the uncool house, and the major differences between parallel parenting, co-parenting, and counter-parenting. Here are some time-stamped topics:
0:00-6:00: Alyse & Bailey catch up, discuss this weekend's AZ stepmom happy hour, and discuss cocktails.
6:00-9:35:The differences between parallel, co-parenting, and counter-parenting
9:35-10:50: Bailey breaks down what type of parenting (ish) they have & being the strict household.
10:50-12:50: Intermission (LOL) Alyse shares a random sweet stepdad encounter that successfully co-parents.
12:50-15:38: Discussing tense parenting
15:38-19:15: Different houses, different rules, handling major household disagreements, crazy transition schedules, lack of consistency between households.
19:15-22:00: Rule communication with your spouse & unexpected rule changes
22:00-24:00: Article discussion: Counter vs. Coparents.
24:00-27:00: Is there such thing as avoidance parenting? And what about the chores? And different parenting styles?
27:00-End: Answering Instagram questions & expectations around how we should be treated. Get your boundaries right with your man

Custody, Child Support, Stepmom Rights & Advice w/ Family Law Attorney, Koryn Sheppard

Episode topic guide:
Custody & Evaluations [3:00]
Stepmom Involvement & Rights [5:34]
How Koryn's perspective as a family law attorney has changed since becoming a stepmom [9:30]
Schedule Changes, Schedule Rule Breakers [13:50]
Changing Custody Agreements [18:00]
Household & Value Differences vs. Legal Problems [23:50]
When Kids Can Give Input on Whom they Live With [26:50]
Manipulation & Alienation with the Kids [30:20]
Child Support - Determination & Changes [37:00]
Stepmoms & Social Media, Text Messages [41:00]
*DISCLAIMER* This episode is NOT legal advice and is not to take the place of any conversations with an attorney. This information is simply a perspective from a fellow stepmom. For advice on how to handle your specific situation, please contact a licensed attorney in your state.

Parenting Coordinators, HCBM Wisdom, & Handling Accusations

*DISCLAIMER* This episode is NOT legal advice and is not to take the place of any conversations with an attorney. This information is simply a perspective from a fellow stepmom. For advice on how to handle your specific situation, please contact a licensed attorney in your state.
Now for the fun stuff: In this episode, we talk with Alex, a newly married, childless stepmom with THREE bonus kiddos. Alex has recognized a gap in the stepmom community around a particular topic: Parenting Coordinators. A parenting coordinator is appointed when two parties (parents) can't agree on how to manage the kids' lives. Their bedtimes, their haircuts, transition itineraries - you name it. Most of the time, a parenting coordinator is involved in the ultimate HIGH CONFLICT situation, so of course, you'll hear more about that, how to keep your composure, and Alex's take on how to be the best stepmom but putting the kids and their needs first without sacrificing your own sanity. Spoiler alert: your mindset is your most powerful tool.

Disengaging, Parenting Disagreements, & Tough Convos w/ your Partner

In this episode, we unpack the idea of disengaging (together in person for the first time!). The how, the why, the when. With the kids, with the bio mom, or even with parenting in your own house. We also touch on how to handle disagreements in parenting with your SO, and share how we have handled those conversations in the past (with care... and some bribes?).